My biggest dreams in life have always been to be a wife and to be a mommy! 6 years ago, God fulfilled one, when I married my husband Justin. Then, 19 months ago, he blessed us with a gorgeous baby girl, Addyson. They are two of the biggest blessings in my life and truely make me want to be a better person. This December 24, we found out we were going to have another baby and have been so excited about it. Last week, I started spotting and knew something was not right with my body. Everyone told me (including nurses) that it was totally normal. Something in my spirit told me otherwise. So, I called my doctor (whom I adore!) and she scheduled me to have an ultrasound Tuesday morning.

Tuesday, February 10, we found no heartbeat and learned we had lost our baby! WOW-so many thoughts and emotions I had no idea I had. After all, this baby wasn't even born yet. But, it was ours and it was a blessing from God and we had plans to take care of it and loved it already. God had other plans. I didn't understand--I was a little angry as to why he would even let us get pregnant in the first place and then take it away. However, when I was getting ready that morning, the song that says "I will praise YOU in the storm..." kept running through my head and I promised God right then that no matter what happened, I would still praise Him b/c circumstances don't change who he is. When Justin and I left the dr. office, can you believe that song was on the radio????

A sweet reminder of my promise to God to praise him through a horrible storm that had just hit our lives! All of the comments that I know about this being normal and it was God's will and everything is going to be ok--I know! But, I just need to grieve! Justin and I have had a lot of sweet moments and we've been able to stop what we are doing and just cry and talk together. That has helped a lot! I am so thankful for Addyson and the way she hugs me so tight I think I'm going to fall out---she is the best therapy for us right now. I am so thankful that we have her and this didn't happen the first time. That would have been hard!

I'm not sure why God allows babies to not make it. I'm not sure why so many people have to go through this. I do know HE is still everything that HE was before: DADDY, COMFORT, PEACE, LOVE, MY ROCK, MY STRONG TOWER......!!!! And, I hope that he will entrust us with another baby in the future. For now, we can focus on the blessing we have in Addyson and the blessing we have in our strong families that love us so much. Most importantly, we can focus on our relationship with JESUS and the peace that he will give us to get through this time.

I will say one last thing: Those of you that have gone through having a miscarriage before, I am so sorry that I never really understood the pain you felt. I am so sorry that anyone has ever had to have that happen. Justin and I both have said we have a deeper respect and regret for those that have to go through this. Also, for those of you that have children or are pregnant now:

NEVER take for granted what God has blessed you with! Be thankful for every second you get the pleasure of loving on a child or the pleasure of carrying a child. It is truely one of God's most precious gifts.

And, in any case, whatever life throws at you, God is still who HE says he is and we should always remember that he isn't just worthy when things are great, but he is still worthy when there are storms in our lives. PRAISE HIM IN THE STORM!